Ephesians 5:33 says, “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Love is not a feeling but an action. Feelings can accompany actions, but not always. We would do well to go over…
I Cor 13 and pray that God would open us up to this kind of love for our husbands. Each quality mentioned in I Cor 13 is selfless and costs the flesh. Love is not merely words. Compliments and words are cheap. They cost nothing. God says in John 15, “those who love Me obey me.” The real proof of love is when it costs us something and requires us to be selfless. To do something that we don’t want to do, but we do it anyway. Take our kids for example. When a baby cries early in the morning, we want to sleep some more, but we get up and take care of the baby.
When we get up with our kids who get sick in the middle of the night. When it is raining and we have to take them to school instead of having them ride the bus. All of these are examples of selfless giving on our part to our loved ones. So it is with our husbands. The Bible says, “love seeks not her own.” We are not out for ourselves but for those that we love. We are to live for his joy and his happiness. We show an interest in their interests. We will cook or warm up a mean after mealtime is over and it’s late, but they had to come home late that night for some reason, tired and hungry.
We will stay up late with them to lend moral support, when they are doing something difficult and need our support. For example, typing our husband’s papers for his schooling and etc. Or on Christmas Eve when he is trying to follow the hard to understand directions to put bicycles together for the next morning for the kids, and your there supporting him in doing so, instead of going to bed. Or when he’s fixing the car and having a hard time, you take him some coffee and a little treat out there to the garage just to show him that you love him and care. All of these are the valuable things in life, the hidden, behind the scene kind of actions that we wives and mothers do for our families that no one sees, but God and the recipient of our love. But in God’s eyes, these are the REAL things that matter to Him, and won’t be burned up as hay and stubble on judgment day. We ask ourselves, how can I make LIFE EASIER for him? How can I be more SENSITIVE to HIS needs (not my own)? Love does everything we do as unto the Lord (and sometimes we only do it cause we want to please God). Love is tender and reassuring when they gets down or depressed. Love forgives when we are wronged or hurt by them. Why, because love is unconditional. Love keeps confidences that we are told and so they can trust us with their feelings, ideas or fears without feeling like we are going to go out and tell our best girlfriend (or anyone else) what they told us. Love never belittles or puts them down or makes them look foolish. Haven’t your seen women who think it is their job in life to correct every little thing their husband says and that she thinks is wrong, in front of others. It makes him look like a fool and her even worse.
Love doesn’t laugh at them or make them a brunt of a joke. Today the TV makes all men look like idiots. And they raise up the woman to an elevated height. She looks wiser, smarter, more spiritual, more sensitive, more intuitive, and even stronger inside than a man. This is simply not so, but today’s society is out to de-masculate the identity of the male, and the role of a husband and a father. This truly must grieve the heart of God. And we Christian women must be very careful that we don’t buy into this way of thinking as well, and begin to act like the women of this world. We want to honor them. Love isn’t indifferent, yawns, looks bored and out the window, and half way listens to what he is saying. I know, I have to really try to focus when my husband is talking to me or my mind will wander off to some other thought and I will only half way hear him. I am guilty of glancing at the clock when he is talking for very long, cause I feel I have other things I need to do. This is wrong of me. I must not show him this disrespect. He is my first priority, and I should always treat him with respect & honor. So, I spend much time in my pray time on repenting and asking for His love and help in this area, as I know it is very important that I learn and do this. Love prays for the one you love. For example we pray something like this, “God, bless my husband and cause him to grow and to become all that You have created him to be. To fulfill all Your plans that You created him for and protect him from the enemy and give him wisdom in every situation.” Loving our husbands is our first ministry after God. The real way we show we love them is by showing them honor and respect when we don’t want to or feel like it.
It is easy when they are taking us out to dinner. But when they bring up something that we don’t like or agree with or they want to do, or they want us to do, we need to hear them out. We must hear them out with respect without looks of disapproval or dissatisfaction or sighs or outright bursts of anger; not criticizing or ridiculing to try to get our way instead. We women can play so many games, it seems like game playing is naturally a part of our fallen nature as women, but we must not fall prey to the old man, but live in the divine new nature that God has also put within us in order to overcome the old man. We try crying, pouting, tirades, put downs and anything else we can think of to get our own way. Instead we should listen quietly and collectively and calmly. Then if asked our opinion, respectfully give it, knowing that he has the final say. Respect is honoring him. We are to treat him as someone special and worthy. For example don’t you respect and honor your pastor or your boss? How do you treat them? Do you talk to them in the same way that you talk to your husband? God wants us to respect our husbands the same way. After all, he (our husbands) are the lords of our home and God gave them this rightful position. We are to treat them with that kind of respect in our ATTITUDE and MANNERISMS and ACTIONS. I have had a hard time with this at times. I think we all have. Ican be a fairly strong willed person at times and have found myself saying to myself, “well, I may be standing up on the outside, but I am sitting down on the inside.” This is REBELLION! “Ok! I’ll do it!” But I’ll let him know that I don’t like it! “He’s mean and I think he’s wrong.” “It’s really a lot he’s putting me through.” All these thought are not godly and are rebellious which we don’t want to receive from the enemy.
God wants our ATTITUDES to be SUBMITTED to our husbands. We are to be honoring and respectful towards them. In Ephesians 5 this is exactly what God TELLS wives we are to do. Respect sees that there can only be one general over a company of men, one boss over an employee and one head of the family unit. That head is our husband (like it or not) and we are under his authority. We are to go along respectfully with his plans, honoring his decisions as the “decision maker” because he is the head of the household. He may ask our advice and opinions, but the final decision has to rest with him and so does the responsibility if it doesn’t turn out. In an army the general gives the orders. men follow down to the letter without complaint. Sometimes he may make mistakes, and some mistakes may even cost men’s lives! So can’t we as Christian women do as much knowing that God will protect us as we obey His Word and submit to our husband’s authority with love, respect and showing the right attitudes. God will surely honor us for this. And will answers our prayers as well, because we are being obedient to the Word.
Remember Sarah in the Bible. Abraham failed her on two occasions and put her in terrible jeopardy trying to preserve his own skin, by saying that she was his sister instead of his wife. For if he said that she was his wife, the king would have had Abraham killed, so that the king could have Sarah for himself. So Sarah trusted in God and God delivered her on both occasions from being violated, and God will protect us from any mistakes our husbands may make if WE have the right heart and attitudes. God sees everything situation and knows every thought that we have. He comes to rescue us, protect us, deliver us and love us. Oh what a wonderful personal God we have. We should love Him more than anything or anyone in all the world, He’s so wonderful! You may be thinking in your heart, “My husband doesn’t deserve this kind of respect. He isn’t even saved yet.” I Peter 3:1 tells wives to submit to their husbands so that the husband can be won by the respectful and pure behavior of the wife. There is no getting around it. Saved or unsaved. It makes no difference. God gave the same order to us for our husbands. There is freedom with right attitudes. Freedom from guilt and our prayers will have no blockage between us and God because of our behavior. We will KNOW that God is pleased with us and He WILL bless us in one way or another for these right attitudes. Our flesh will die when we have to submit, obey, honor, respect and see him as the lord or head of the wife, but each time we die a little more to self, we become more filled with the Holy Spirit of God and become transformed to become more like Jesus. Then more of Him can be seen in us. So let’s let the beauty of Jesus be seen in us to a world that is so desperate to see a godly woman of God. A-men?